Parenting is not an easy job. It can be a challenge to keep parenting styles in sync when couples disagree on how to raise their children.
In this article, we will discuss the importance of parenting as a team and give you tips for handling parenting disagreements with your partner.
Parents Need to Back Each Other Up
When parenting styles are out of sync, kids can become confused and parents feel as if they're parenting alone.
Even though you may disagree at times on how to raise your children there is no need to go it alone. It's important that both partners show support for parenting decisions made by the other partner.
This will allow each parent to maintain their individual parenting style while feeling supported in their decision-making process, which creates a more effective team environment overall when dealing with raising children together.
Parents often forget that parenting disagreements should be discussed privately between spouses rather than in front of the child(ren).
If possible try meeting up after bedtime or before bringing the child(ren) home from daycare/school so everyone feels more relaxed and can address parenting concerns at a more effective time.
Try to Defer to the One Who Feels More Strongly About an Issue
Disagreements between spouses are inevitable.
While it may not be easy to defer to a spouse who feels more strongly about an issue, in the long run, you'll feel better knowing that your partner is supported and happy with how parenting decisions were made.
If possible, address concerns privately after finding out where their opinion comes from or what issues they're concerned with as this will allow you both to discuss any potential solutions at hand rather than focusing on increasing your own voice volume while speaking louder than the other parent.
Being able to defer and support each other's ideas creates a stronger team when addressing major parenting matters such as discipline styles, religious upbringing, educational systems, and overall values/morals for kids moving forward into adulthood.
While these issues may not be directly correlated to raising children they are still integral when trying to create a more effective parenting team.
Empathise with Your Child, but Don’t Throw Your Spouse Under the Bus
It is important to empathise with your child when they are upset.
However, it is equally important not to throw your spouse under the bus or allow them to feel as if you're ganging up on them in front of their kids.
You may empathise using phrases such as “mommy and daddy disagree sometimes” but do so privately without involving the other parent unless absolutely necessary.
If there are concerns that need addressing by both parents then address these issues together either before bedtime or after picking up children from school/daycare where no one feels rushed or stressed about getting out the door for work/school etc.
When Parents Fight, Kids Are off the Hook
When spouses fight in front of their kids it can create a negative impact on how children feel about themselves because they are unable to solve the problem and often end up feeling as if there is something wrong with them.
This causes parents to spend less time together, which reduces intimacy while also causing problems within marriage due to a lack of communication or understanding between both parties.
You may not be able to control every situation but you'll at least show your child(ren) that disagreements should be discussed privately rather than in front of an audience where feelings get hurt and no one ends up happy.
If possible try using phrases such as “I'm sorry mommy/daddy feels upset right now” when emotions become heated around issues such as bedtime or mealtimes where children are present.
This allows the parent to speak for themselves and also shows your child(ren) that emotions can be a natural reaction when disagreements happen between spouses rather than something they should feel sorry about as it's out of their control.
All of this fighting also means you may not be concentrating on what your kids are getting up to or what they are doing in school.
So try to make these issues a priority and discuss them with your spouse at an appropriate time where everyone feels as if their voice is being heard rather than having one parent feel ganged up on while the other has no idea why.
If you're both unable to come together on an issue then offer support for the partner that feels more strongly about it while also keeping your own opinion private unless asked directly by the other party or child(ren).
Keep in mind this may be hard initially but will become easier over time once all parenting decisions have been made and children's needs are met emotionally, physically, socially, etc. which cannot happen when parents constantly fight in front of kids due to disagreements between spouses.
Talk About Parenting Decisions When You Are Calm
There are so many things said in the heat of the moment that aren't meant to be taken seriously or could have been said differently.
This is why it's important that all decisions are discussed when calm and everyone feels heard, understood, and respected.
You may talk about your parenting ideas before bedtime as a family unit so kids know what mommy and daddy plan on doing the next day.
This way they feel involved without being put in the middle of any disagreements between spouses if possible which will prevent them from feeling attacked by either parent while also teaching them valuable social skills such as how to talk/listen to others appropriately due to their age etc.
Understand Your Spouse’s Family History
If your spouse is acting in a strange way, understanding their past and how they were brought up can help you to understand why they might be feeling a certain way.
By understanding this, it can also help you work together as a team and have more productive conversations when decisions need to be made about your children/marriage etc. rather than creating even more issues that are out of control due to lack of communication or respect which is what kids see first hand during these times.
This could also lead to deeper connections with each other while helping the family unit grow stronger because everyone feels included and respected for who they are in their own right.
If both parents would like some support around dealing with disagreements then counselling may be worth looking into before things get worse especially if there has been abuse within the relationship at any point whatsoever where one partner felt threatened by the other etc.
You can also find support around parenting topics that may be causing disagreements between spouses such as meal times, bedtime, discipline and the list goes on so please don’t hesitate to reach out for help if needed.
If you're a parent, it's important that you and your spouse are on the same page.
Be sure to empathise with each other when making parenting decisions for your child, but don't put one another down in front of them or they'll feel abandoned by both parents.
Try not to disagree about too many things at once if possible so as to avoid conflict within yourself and between yourselves and your children.
By understanding how difficult parenting can be, this article has given you some practical advice on how best to work together with your partner while raising a family - have any tried these tips?
Let us know!